My testimony

So I'm putting together a Shutterfly album for our upcoming support trip (May 28 - Jun 10) and I thought it would be a good idea to include our testimonies in the book. I just now realized that I have never ever told my testimony (I have normally tried to avoid it) but I thought I would share it here -

It always seems awkward for me to give my testimony because I never quite know where it starts and where it ends. Truthfully, I can not say exactly when it was that I gave my life to Christ and I often struggle to find joy in where I am right now - I desire to be so much further in my journey than I am. I only know that because of these things, I am daily giving my life to the Lord and daily asking Him for a new measure of the joy that only comes from Him.

Growing up I never doubted that Jesus was Lord, but I knew nothing of love. While that seems average for most, it was exceptionally true for me. I loved to see people fail and inflict pain with my words. I wrestled with it so much that I eventually decided that if I was to ever understand love I needed to do everything I could to rebel against it and test if it would still pursue me in spite of who I was. I was 13 and living in every kind of rebellion I could think of. I was enslaved to promiscuity and malice. I despised my actions, but I was desperate to find out how far love would go to rescue me. My obsession deteriorated me to the point of being unable to function in any kind of 'normal' environment. I became convinced of delusions and was so twisted in deception - I wanted to die.

But God's love went further than I ever imagined - I found that true love does not need to be tested; but hoped in, through faith. It blows me away that God would take the time to convince me of who He is and how much He loves me. He who created reason, desires to reason with me that I might have a greater glimpse of understanding. He is delighted to fix; even perfect, the broken things, and He is content to fix quietly and anonymously. He used my husband to save my life, and through JD's love I was able to understand the Lord's heart towards me. What's amazing is this does not compromise His greatness but is the preface of His great love for us. Praise the Lord - He is so far above us and yet He longs to be with us even though we can not see Him for who He really is. He is willing to be revealed slowly, and my desire is to live my life in pursuit of knowing Him more.