I guess I could call this a bad hair day...

Lately I have been sleeping in; I'm finding myself drenched in guilt every time I wake up in the morning. Today was no exception and as I got showered and dressed, I thought that all I had to do was blow dry my hair and I could just sit down (for a measly 10 minutes) and be with the Lord. I sat down before the Lord and felt myself fighting the urge to just mess up my hair and not try to be so perfect. I'm feeling so plastic lately and I hate when the Lord sees me that way. Not that He doesn't see me all the time, but when I'm making myself really aware of His presence it nags at me. My hair became so heavy on my head and I was just so tempted to cut it off. I was wondering why I can blow dry my hair and bounce in the next room to say hi to my husband, but I can't with God. Why am I still trying to drum up the appropriate feelings I need to have in order to talk with Him?
I feel like there are two types of 'good' Christians in my head. There's the super grunge, hard-core, hyper-sensitive christian contrasted with the nice hair, clean fingernails, skirt wearing christian. The first christian can express amazing emotions toward the Lord; the second doesn't really struggle much with obedience. I wrestle constantly with wondering, "What is the Lord requiring of me?" Especially, in light of scripture contrasted with the culture. Does my Christianity look like it should? If Jesus were to come back now, would He be pleased with what He saw? I desperately want Him to be pleased with me and it seems to plague everything I do.
I was reminded yesterday about the importance of faith - again. I am constantly going back to this - realizing that without faith it is impossible to please God. And so often I am without faith - not trusting in His character but in my own ability to make God happy with me. I was challenged at prayer last night remembering that if God IS love, and love hopes all things, believes all things and endures all things. How often do I see God thinking that way toward me? That's still something I have to push myself to believe every morning.
Something that has helped me tremendously in doing this is to deliberately rejoice that I am a sinner, and Christ still loves me. I find that the people who are most content & steadfast in their walk with the Lord have accepted that fact - and they know how to move on. I think I am still stuck or something - I have not yet discovered how to (simply) just move on. I see that I am horrible... or I guess that something I'm doing has potential to be horrible and I freeze up. I don't trust the Lord to lead me through, I am afraid I that I'm not sure how to get back to Him - back to His prescence.
It's a tricky thing to talk about how sin separates us from God. God himself has become the bridge back to Himself and we are no longer separated from Him by our sin. If I constantly look around the bridge for another way, my own way - I will find myself lost. Because there is no other way. Sin has separated us in once sense, but in another in gives us incredible freedom to acknowledge our sin and put our trust in Christ. God is so good - I'm praying that I will be so engaged in that truth at all times that I will not be shaken as much as I am.