More to say that probably demands another entry... sorry. :(

I found out the shack is fiction - it's not a real story. Travis tipped me off and I was kind of amazed. I felt kind of relieved... because I was having a really hard time figuring out how to make sense out of all of it... but I also felt... I don't know. A little empty? Or... I don't know.

I think this happens to me a lot... maybe I'm really gullible. Like when I read Out of the Silent Planet (C.S. Lewis claims he's ghost writing this for his friend and he gives his own personal reaction to the story.. as if it's real) and I ran up to Stephanie all paranoid about potential life on Mars. I think I like to think those things... I'm not sure why?

I also found out the author is a Unitarian - universalist... While I haven't read far enough into the book to know much else, there are (apparently) definite arrows pointing to his "theology" he weaves through the book.

Here's what I'm left with (trying to figure me out)...

1. I read things that are controversial because that is fun to me.

2. I start to poke my head out of my God shell and wonder if it could be true.

3. This results in my wanting to talk to God because he seems to be portrayed as nicer than I think He is, and He seems so approachable, I'm almost overwhelmed. I am still a little scared.

4. I think for a long time and can't do anything else.

5. I find that all the controversy is rightfully founded and I need to maybe put the book down.

6. I am sad because I feel like not only am I back to square one, I feel like God must be the opposite of all the things those heretics are saying.

7. I talk about it to everyone and just feel generally confused.

8. I listen to people that are controversial on the other side (a.k.a radical theologian) and feel (instead of happiness about finding out how approachable God is), awe about how awesome and amazing He is and I want to worship Him.

9. I realize that the more I listen to the more I realize that I still haven't totally sorted out how to relate to God yet because I'm not able to live the way this person yells about how I should live.

10. I want to burn all my clothes and shop at thrift stores.

11. I start judging everyone else who doesn't think about all the high and lofty things I think about... and I isolate myself from everyone.

13. Repeat.