Support Trip In Philadelphia

Wow - God is so good... I have been so worn out these past few days... I found that if I get a 11:00 nap & a 2:00 nap I'm able to get through... Our time in Philadelphia has been absolutely amazing - I have missed being able to invest in these people up here. It's been difficult for me to find the time to do that with each person I'm close with (and even those I don't know that well) while I'm in TX and normally when we do come up to visit it's usually large groups of people and can feel more... shallow? Which is hard because I feel like my heart is always in this continuously sober state whenever I'm up here so relating was usually kind of weird. Anyway, it's just been really really good to take solid chunks of time really ministering to people and praying with them. I am more convinced than ever about the need to re-establish God's design for the family in our daily lives. I'm just seeing so much of a lacking there... and it's hard. Our culture is extremely aggressive in stealing anything of value away from our families. It seems that if we really want to walk the fine line of the call to holiness, we need to completely abstain from things of this world. I think, what's most often hard to swallow, is that things of this world permeate virtually everything I do!

Jd & I would like to have children one day and we're praying about the Lord's timing in that. But I am honestly so afraid. I feel like in order to protect our minds from the influence of this world we need to be careful of what we watch and where we go... and what we listen to. Right now I'm thinking of staying away from all movie theaters, malls, and radio stations... I am seeing messages from the devil everywhere.... And the more we are exposed to perversion, the more natural it becomes... I'm just afraid of missing it. Every well meaning Christian I talk to tells me that "You can't shield your child from everything and if you don't expose them to it sooner or later, they will either rebel or be a complete outcast." Is that true? I'm not sure... I'm just wrestling a lot with this. I told Jd yesterday that I hear of so many people praying that they will have beautiful or smart children. I would almost rather have my child born with a handicap that would cause them to be rejected by the world. I think I'd rather have an outcast than a prom queen. I am just so tired of bowing down to the devil's of idea of beauty and success. I am tired of watching those I love bow to it. I will need all of God's grace on my life to help keep my children from doing the same...

I am just in prayer - I want to be guided by the spirit and let love rule in our home... I'm not interested in just making up hard rules for the sake of rules.... But I am no longer convinced that the Lord is grieved by the compromise we subject ourselves to in order to be 'normal.' When did God call us to a life of normal? Did He not call us to forsake all? What does that mean? What does it mean when I live in this culture?

Anyway... that's all that I'm thinking about.... I'd be grateful for any thoughts....